By guest author, Daniel “No Passport” Bruno. Join over 1100 others in demanding that Noah Mamet, the U.S. ambassador to Argentina, respect Daniel by renewing his passport.
When Latin was a living language, the natives of Londinium, Gaul, Hispania and Libia were not Roman by pedigree, they were Roman by military service and tax. As a continental empire, the United States is of necessity multi-cultural and exercises jus soli citizenship like ancient Rome and Russia, the Third Rome: whoever is born on the land is a national regardless of blood. After the Bolsheviks won the civil war, Ukrainians, Jews and Kazakhs became the notional equal of Russians; all of them were now Soviet. Stalin, a Georgian whose real name was Dzhugashvili, wanted working class origin to trump race. State anthropologists designated a new, higher species of mankind: Homo Sovieticus. Thus, the New Soviet Man superseded Homo Sapiens in the Soviet analog to the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Now let’s pretend for a moment that the U.S. is a jus saguinis country, i.e. of the blood. Imagine that to be American means to belong to one blood, one religion and one language congealing into a race of homogeneous people with their own DNA, e.g. Korean. True, Korea is bitterly divided at the moment, but that is an artificial separation imposed from outside.
Russia (Rus) has been a multi-ethnic empire for a thousand years but Russian also describes a certain people with shared traits, culture, language and blood…a race of people in ways that American can not be.
In our thought experiment, a standardized test is given to people of the American race and Russian race. Test takers are required to, among other things, locate on a map the Black Sea, the Baltics, the Balkins, the English Channel, the Golf of Tonkin, the Persian Gulf, the South China Sea and the Gulf of Sidra.
Years go by and the results are conclusive: the American race does very poorly. Time and again the Russian race outperforms the American race on the test in spite of the fact that America has the best endowed universities and American student debt stands at one trillion dollars. The Americans are outspending the Russians fifty to one on education and still, they underperform by a wide margin.
Nationalistic Russians write op-eds and publish books citing hundreds of correct statistics that purport to prove Russian superiority over the American race. Even when controlling for income disparities and other factors, people of the American race score a full 15% lower, on average, than their Russian peers. Smug Russian pundits conclude that the American race is wasting money on education because no amount of book learning can bring the American race out of intellectual darkness… failure is built into its DNA! In earlier times they may have mused that “God made the Russian race superior and the American race inferior. Test results prove it, and it even says so in the Bible.”
Notwithstanding the fact that Americans can’t find any of these places on a map, which proves their lower I.Q, the United States Navy and Air Force are in all of these locales all the time, showing the world who’s bad. In fact, reams of stats prove that the American race is violent at home and abroad. With the highest incarceration rate on Earth, the American race still can’t get a grip on all the senseless killings. Things are at a point where American cops are pumping lead into house cats for hissing at them.
It seems that everywhere the American race goes, violence and threats of violence are not far behind. Time and again, the American race slaughters thousands of its own and others, or threatens to do so. At home, cops and wanna be cops blast away because they feel “threatened” by unarmed citizens who are running away from them. Abroad, a similar “self-defense” meme plays out using fantasies about terrifying, bearded, brown bogeymen, non-existent WMD in Iraq, non-existent attacks in the Gulf of Tonkin, show downs with the Russians in the Baltic, show downs with the Chinese in the South China Sea…
One leader of the American race, a man named Roosevelt, let 3000 of his own perish at Pearl Harbor. Sixty years later, another king of the Americans sacrificed 3000 of his own race (cannibalism in his DNA?) so that he could invade Iraq and Afghanistan and be seen as a war hero even though he himself avoided Vietnam back in the day. The nationalistic Russians publish more scientific papers showing that the American race has major cowardice and aggression issues built into its DNA. This, coupled with poor performance on standardized tests, means that people with American race DNA are super-predators who can be neither civilized nor educated. The American Gulag is crowning proof.
“Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give a Damn.”
When the Americans heard that the Russians think Americans are naturally stupid, they didn’t care. What the Russians didn’t take into account was that Americans kept flunking the standardized test because quite frankly they didn’t care about the results. There was no obvious money to be made or benefit to be had memorizing where the Black Sea is or where the Baltics are. For the Russians on the other hand, the Black Sea and the Baltics are like Lake Superior and the Gulf of Mexico: they are home turf. “But how can the American race not know where the Gulf of Tonkin is after they lost so many men in Vietnam?” the Russians asked. “What is the American Navy doing in the Black Sea if the American race can’t even find it on a map?”
Good question. Americans don’t have any interest in the Black Sea. Who in the American establishment does? Who stands to gain from confronting Russia in the Baltics and Black Sea, Iran in the Persian Gulf, and China in the South China Sea? Do the policy makers really have American interests in mind when they talk about defense? What about all the American military bases in countries that the American race has never heard of?
And the Americanos replied: “See, to the north and south are two docile races: the Canadian and the Mexican. To the left and right are deep blue oceans with lots of fishes. So, we don’t need to know nothin bout no geography no how.” Stupid flunkies at the State Department are keeping us safe (read: harassing the hell out of us ) whenever we try to board an airplane or renew a passport. Seems that no matter how much they spy on us, they can’t be too sure who is of the American race and who is a bogeyman. So, they stick their fingers up our ass to get fresh DNA samples.
Of course, is is absurd to talk about the DNA of an “American race.” But put “African” in front of this absurdity and voila, it becomes “genetics.” Americans really do score the worst on geography exams because frankly, we are not interested in the topic. Would American “racial realists” account for the low test scores and aggressive behavior of the “American race,” to which they themselves belong, with the same vulgar 17th century Calvinist reprobation masked as 21st century racial science being used on “African-Americans?
On May 9, the Kremlin will trot out its latest tanks, planes and nuclear missiles. Lapels will sport the banner of St. George. The victory over Nazi Germany and its racist ideology in 1945 will serve as a warning to NeoCon warmongers: Don’t mess with us! They, and we, will celebrate the victory over terrorism in Syria, which handed the NeoCons in America and Israel a stunning defeat while we of the American race cheered from afar. See, maybe we Americanos don’t have such a low I.Q. after all.