A Shocking Admission: “The Federal Reserve is a Criminal Conspiracy”

A spokesperson assured the assembled media that the Fed Board was “deeply concerned” about the American people, inflation, and the unemployment rate, but he was heckled off the stage.

In an extraordinary admission, the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve conceded that the Federal Reserve is “at heart a criminal conspiracy of bankers.” The Board followed up this revelation with a breezy confession that the Fed “doesn’t really give a rat’s rear-end about the American people, and we’re tired of having to claim we do.”

The Fed’s role was global, the Board explained; the American people played no part whatsoever in Fed policy or decisions. “Honestly, why would anyone think we waste a moment’s thought on the American people?” one commented. “We’re here to maintain the power and wealth of the banking sector on a global scale. We have zero interest in John Q. Citizen’s travails or his income. Our only interest in Mr. Citizen is that he continue to keep his mouth shut and not make waves.”

The unprecedented display of bare-knuckled honesty was in evidence throughout the meeting. Asked if the Fed was confident that its policies were appropriate for the nation, one board member snapped, “We don’t really think about the nation, but yes, we are 99% confident that our policies are appropriate and correct. In fact, let’s dispense with the false modesty: we’re 100% confident we are correct.”

When a reporter asked if the Board was familiar with the Dunning–Kruger effect, a Board member snapped, “We don’t concern ourselves with rare neurological diseases, or whatever that is. We govern the markets and the global economy.”

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than is accurate.

“If you’re incompetent, you can’t know you’re incompetent. […] the skills you need to produce a right answer are exactly the skills you need to recognize what a right answer is.” David Dunning

Rumors quickly spread that the Fed’s water supply had been spiked with Ibogaine, which could explain the extraordinary public outburst of truthfulness. As handlers moved in to escort the Board members to their private chambers, some of the Board responded testily. One was heard to mutter, “Keep your grubby little paws off me, peon!”

A spokesperson assured the assembled media that the Fed Board was “deeply concerned” about the American people, inflation, and the unemployment rate, but he was heckled off the stage.

This is our annual April Fool’s Day entry.

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    Sound money also limits the ability to wage wars of aggression. Imagine how much more careful Washington would have to be about starting a war if they did not have this financial sleight of hand at their disposal! Fiat currency allows government do expensive things they should not be doing while paying the bills with cheap money.


  • Former Fed Official: Fed is “out of line” MARCH 31, 2015

    Why is it that only former Fed officials are willing to say the truth about the economy and monetary policy. I know they don’t know the whole truth and they are blinded by power, but why do they always wait till they are “former” to tell the truth?


  • Rehmat

    Between Janet Yellen, the Jewish Chairwoman of the Federal Reserve and Stanely Fischer, the FED is totally Israelized and will become a powerful new anti-Iran Jewish front.

    The Federal Reserve is a consortium of nine Jewish-owned and associated banking institutions with the Jewish Rothschild family at the head. Even the name “Federal Reserve” was coined by German-born American Jewish banker Paul Warburg (died 1932), an employee of the Rothschilds. In practice, it’s over 95 percent privately-owned, is not integrated into the US Government, nor accountable to any branch of government. There is nothing “Federal” about it as it lies fully outside the government system of checks-and-balances. It supports the financial needs of the US imperialism, covert operations, usury, drug dealers, and the global banksters.

    Since its establishment in 1913, there have been 14 Chairmen of the Federal Reserve Bank. Ten of them; Charles Sumner Hamlin (1914-16), William Proctor Gould Harding (1916-22), Daniel Richard Crissinger (1923-27), Roy Archibald Young (1927-30), Eugene Isaac Meyer (1930-33), Eugene Robert Black (1933-34), Arthur Frank Burns (1970-78), Paul Adolph Volcker (1979-87), Alan Greenspan (1987-2006) and Ben Bernanke, all Jewish.


  • Undecider

    I figured within the first couple paragraphs it must have been a joke. There’s no way the FED would break radio silence on their crimes.

  • Guy from Australia

    Nice gag. You got me all riled up. Was reading, thinking WTF!? Could just see some snow-blowing Wolf of Wall st. type fingering some Rep. in the chest with this rant.

  • Joshua Dodd

    What’s funny about this article is that there are people out there who will believe it is real without realizing it is a joke. Kinda like those people you run across who find an article on Onion News and take it seriously.