The Climate Is Invading the Earth

If an alien invader with a face were attacking the earth, the difficulties that governments have getting populations to support wars on other humans would be multiplied a thousand fold.  The most common response to officials calling some petty foreign despot “a new Hitler” would shift from “yeah, right” to “who cares?” The people of the world would unite in common defense against the hostile alien.

If only it had a face.  And what’s a face anyway?  Doctors can create faces now.  You’d still love your loved ones if they lost their faces.  And I hear there’s a movie in which a guy falls in love with his faceless computer.

The point is that there is an alien invader attacking the earth.  Its name is climate change.  And Uncle Sam wants YOU to fight it, as does Uncle Boris and Aunt Hannah and Cousin Juan and Brother Feng.  The whole family is in agreement on this one, and we are a family now all of a sudden.

Climate change breathes fire on our land and roasts it, killing crops, drying up water supplies, breeding dangerous diseases and infestations.  Climate change circles over the oceans and blows tidal waves toward our coasts.  It melts the icebergs in its evil claws and sinks our beach resorts beneath the sea.

How do we fight back?  We organize quickly, as only humans can.  We grab the $2 trillion that we spend on wars among ourselves each year, plus a few trillion more from some multi-billionaires who suddenly realize they don’t have another planet to spend it on.  We start coating the rooftops with solar panels, aimed right at the face of the monster.  We put up windmills that will turn his nasty breath against himself.

And we hit him where it really hurts, we cut off his supplies with crippling sanctions: we stop buying and making and consuming and discarding such incredible piles of crap every day.  Consumerism becomes rapidly understood as planetary treason, support for the Evil One.  We put a stop to its worst excesses and begin reining it in systematically — working together as we never have before.

Ah, but the dark lord of the heat is subtle.  He has cells of loyalists among us.  They push fossil fuels on us and tell us comforting lies.  No longer!  We will drag them before the House UnEarthly Activities Committee.  “Are you now or have you ever been a promoter of oil, gas, or coal consumption?”  They’ll crumble under the pressure.

Imagine how we could unite for this battle, what wits and courage and self-sacrifice we could put into it, what inspiring acts of bravery, what stunning creations of intellect!

Ah, but climate change is not a person, so forget the whole thing.  Did you ever notice what a funny grin Vladimir Putin has?  It’s beginning to get on my nerves.

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  • Charlie Primero

    Elites have indeed turned the Climate Terror Campaign up to 11.

    I didn’t believe it could get more ridiculous, but it is beginning to sound just like the campaign to invade Iraq.

    Like they aren’t already extracting enough wealth from the lower classes to pay for penthouses and yatchs.

    • Dave Narby


      Anthony Wile of Daily Bell fame has been doing some good work

      As has Climate Audit

      Watts up with that

      The Hockey Schtick , etc. etc.

      did some digging into who would profit from AGW, and surprise,
      surprise… It’s government and Wall St. (JP Morgan and Goldman
      Sachs). It wasn’t hard at all to follow the money.

      me wonder why the otherwise amazingly excellent GW’s blog keeps putting
      this stuff up here, perhaps he thinks he needs the demographic.

      • wakeup

        Kudos to both of you, and kudos to the large numbers of scientists and people that realize the same. Its predictable that folks like David Keith and Al Gore would hit the circuit to talk up the possibility of “needing” to geoengineer the earth, particularly the atmosphere, to save us all. The usual suspects are trying very hard to get the narrative set as people catch onto this conversation. Considering these programs have been in existence since the 40’s it looks like….well, it speaks to our collective slumber. Of course this is also punctuated by the many patents associated with the process, via the head of the militarized programs coming forward to speak about these programs, etc. etc, etc., and of course folks like Penner above speaking on the subject.

        Every period that has higher C02 has had tremendous levels of vegetation. Its almost like the plants need it or something…..

        ….you have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes. Our world of zombies… that cant look up as it turns out. Its all quite fascinating…. in a sad, pathetic kind of way.

        One thing for sure, we are polluting our planet in incredible ways, with most every person being tested regardless of where having numerous and consistent toxins. This is a related but vastly different conversation though than chasing one’s tails to pad the pockets of a few and add to the growing centralized control of all resources. of course, how much of this is a result of aerosol spraying?

        Massive aluminum toxicity just so happens to coincide with geoengineering programs and daily aerosol spraying the skies of the world.

        I even ran across one company that advertises weather control capabilities and their involvement since the 60’s.

        yes, must stay out in front preemptively with the official, authoritative narrative.

  • ginko biloba

    I love Swanson but this almost seems like parody. I guess he hasn’t seen this…clear scientific unbiased unaligned assessment that climate change is caused by the sun, from the fabulous Electric Universe guys…

  • Undecider

    That was a funny one. Now let’s discuss geo-engineering and the non-existent threat that is CO2.

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    • Jonah Jay

      Yes, I think David should stick to his commentary on war mongering and economics etc. He’s a top rate writer. But this piece is shows a very poor understanding of the complexities of climate change. He’s obviously bought into the human-induced global warming propaganda like so many. ( I do think there is climate change but a natural cycle of warming and cooling) The sad thing is, you don’t have to be in the pay of the fossil fuel lobby to see that that science has been corrupted by the same old corporate crowd playing one side off against the other.